I wonder, were you like me? Did you fantasise about Mr. Prince Charming with flowing locks, a dazzling smile and skin the colour of mocha? Did you expect marriage to be an array of laughter, happiness and the occasional love song?
By no means am I an expert in marriage having only gotten hitched in April this year, but so far, my expectations of what it would mean to be a married woman, has truly taken me by surprise…
First of all, forget about romance!
Being married with kids means absolutely everything is a planned event, even sex!
Prepare Yourself For Compromise – if you’re naturally quite a stubborn person you should perhaps think twice about getting into a marriage. I mean, unjustly compromise consumes the majority of my life – I am forever making exceptions for my husband, laying down excuse after excuse as to why he may be acting a certain way, doing (or worse, not doing) a certain thing. It’s exhausting! Do I want to compromise? No – at least not all of the time but I’ve came to learn the hard way that stubborn men are far more selfish than stubborn women.
Being married means always having to be the bigger person. Sometimes it hurts, oh man it really can kill us inside! But, we can find solace in knowing for ourselves that we are right, and they don’t need to tell us that to know it’s true.
Have A Lot Of Patience – if I were to look at myself from a 15 year old me, point of view I would never have believed it. I surprise myself every day when it comes to patience and there are times I lose it and particularly at certain times of the month (that’s for sure!). The small things which we all know are technically “small” things but at the time, really escalate into big things because they are happening every, single day. Yes, I know it’s not a big deal to forget to put the bog roll back on the holder, but it becomes a big deal when you’re doing it 4-7 times a day! I probably waste around 8-10 minutes of my life each day trying to find the bog roll – and they say live life to the full…
Being married means being tested on a daily basis – sometimes you will make yourself proud but other times your husband’s life expectancy will take a detrimental dip.
Succumb To Being Tolerant – My husband is a very angry human being with a short fuse for people who don’t know how to read minds, who ask the right questions at the wrong times and who question him in a way that threatens his inner Braveheart. When any of the above happens (and that can be pretty regularly), my tolerance kicks in big time. To put it nicely, he is a prat and doesn’t think twice of vocalising his frustration in front of people in rather rude and embarrassing ways…. majority of this consisting of his need to tell me to “shut up”. It rarely ever ends well however, the fact I am still wearing the ring suggests my overall tolerance for bad behaviour is pretty, damn good.
Being married means having to put up with their bad attitude and trust me, they will have a bad attitude at least 95% of the time!
Make Peace With Repetition – lots and lots and lots….and lots of it! Marriage is really just another word for repetition and not because you have to wake up to the same face every day (that part can be pretty nice), but in every other way you could possibly think!
The biggy for me is household chores – I hate them, probably more than I hate my boobs (and that’s a lot!). Repetition is a nasty atmosphere destroyer, it makes you resentful and frustrated to think that no amount of dedication to cleaning a house for example, will ever make it truly clean. With an additional person in the house (and I’ll be sexist here and add in “man” though I know of the occasional exception – my dad the “clean freak”), you can never have complete control on where things go and more often than not, things wind up in ridiculous places.
Being married means you will spend the rest of your life cleaning up after someone else’s mess… and don’t even talk to me about kids!
Allow Yourself To Be Confused – they say that women are hard to read but I personally find us hard to shut up. Think about it, we like to express – it’s in our DNA. We’re never happy if we aren’t getting to talk about our feelings. Men on the other hand, are natural suppressors. It comes to a point you just have to accept you will never know what is going on in their head and there is absolutely no point trying to find out. Men rarely ever know how they feel and 99.9%, their actions are based on impulse.
Being married means never truly understanding what goes on in your husband’s head and never knowing what he actually wants from you.