I recently published a post for married women, so it seems only fair that I do one for men too.
Unwritten laws are simply subconscious “should-do’s” that the majority of people don’t do but really, should. There’s often no talk of them in relationships, rather, an unfair expectation (or 5 in this case), that usually only ever ends with us having, in our minds, valid reason to moan and nag… do we women secretly enjoy it? Maybe a little, but more often than not, we would much prefer to feel understood so that we may enjoy our marriage a little bit more calmly.
So here they are, listen well gents:
- Never only half do a job you’ve either said, or been asked to do. It sounds like I’m stating the obvious here but, it surprises us ladies on a daily basis. Things like, putting dirty washing in the basket… how could anyone get this wrong!? You pick it up, you put it IN the basket… more often than not, men pick it up and put it on top of the basket lid or next to the basket (if they even remember to do that). It seems like such a minor thing to nag about, but you have no idea how annoying it is to constantly have to pick up dirty washing just to put it less than a yard away – first of all, we want it in the basket so that it looks tidy and secondly, dirty washing smells! The same applies to other house chores like, cleaning up after we’ve made dinner… my husband made a point in telling me the other day he had emptied and re-filled the dish washer… when I went through to inspect, I noticed the frying pan with leftover chicken still out and the counters were still a mess. Guys, c’mon now – behave!
- Surprise her often… in a GOOD way! My husband enjoys surprising me – he likes farting in public, he loves his inability to mince his words around my family, he enjoys buying houses before telling me, he also enjoys the overuse of sarcasm whenever I’m telling him a story I find interesting. To the point, what he does comes to no surprise anymore and now, I would honestly not put anything past him. Yes, I would probably say, I’ve now became the “fun sucker” in our marriage whereby, I’m constantly checking what he’s doing and what he’s signing up for. I’m the cautious one undoubtedly and I often remind him that, being cautious makes women naturally quite successful businesswomen. So surprises takes me on to point number 2 – being spontaneous and impulsive can be a good thing when done the right way and women do love a bit of spontaneity, for example: flowers. Not just any flowers, her favourite flower POSTED and more importantly, signed. We appreciate these surprises even more so when we don’t expect them (so forget posting just on our birthday). Even women who say they “hate flowers” (me being one of them), would still like to have a bouquet posted, just because. But, surprises can be so unique and personal to you which makes them great ways to add some sparkle to the relationship… my husband bought us a new hoover after hearing me complain about how rubbish our old one was… I was on a high for about a week after, it was great!
- Remember important dates! So my husband and I got married this year, 29th April and I was talking to him about celebrating our year anniversary. He asked me, “what date did we get married?” and I could have throttled him. Seriously? My point is, dates are SO important to women – we are sentimental and emotional creatures who appreciate, feeling special. Men, please – I don’t care if you have to walk around with post-it notes on your forehead, or having to tattoo your wedding date to your palm – remember the big dates! Birthdays, wedding anniversary’s, the date you first met, the date you first kissed (well, maybe too far!) but the big ones are so, so important. It shows that you also consider them special days in your life and honestly, bringing them up before we do, scores you MASSIVE brownie points. MASSIVE.
- Listen and appear interested! Again, my husband has a fantastic talent in that he can listen to what I’m saying while playing solitaire on his phone. It means when I question him, he knows what I’ve said and thinks that he can get off the hook because he got it right… it doesn’t work that way! When a lady is talking to you, she is asking for your attention. That means, eye contact! The powers of eye contact are immense and the difference between talking and, really confiding in one another. If a women doesn’t feel interesting to her man for her daily chat, she is never going to feel able to express to her man when it’s most important to their relationship. Don’t push her away, simply, offer her a little bit of your undivided attention.
- Love her, and only her. Remove temptation – we are creatures predominately driven by a natural instinct to reproduce and survive. It goes without saying that throughout our lives, we find ourselves become attracted to more than one person. There’s many beautiful, funny and interesting people out there and we bump into them every, single day. But, as a married man (and women), it is our duty to apply boundaries. Distance yourself from becoming attached to other people – men, especially, find it difficult to go to their wives with their troubles because of their desire to be the “protector” of the relationship, as a result, they often find comfort in the company of another woman. Situations usually start off innocent, until time passes and suddenly feelings are felt. That’s just one situation which happens on a regular basis. There are loads of marriages that break up due to adultery and it’s been as silly as, holidays away with the lads or, having one too many vodkas. Know your boundaries, know your limitations and never disrespect your woman by doing something that you know is wrong. I always tell my husband to reverse it before he does it: would you be happy if I was doing what you’re about to do? Ask yourself and answer honestly, and if the honest answer is no, you know it’s time to go home to your wife. Marriage is a beautiful thing – it’s knowing there is someone out there who loves you for all the good, but more importantly, loves you for all the bad. Be honest, be honourable and be happy.