There are numerous situations that are influenced by vanity and each and every one of us, make them every, single day – what brand of clothes we wear; whether we, girls wear make-up; the car we drive; physical fitness… all, that to some degree are pretty acceptable in our modernised, materialistic world.
But, I want you to think back to a situation where vanity influenced your dating choices – when somehow, someone failed to meet your high expectations (and I say “high” because expectations are usually the catalyst to all of life’s let downs and we should really learn to stop expecting anything).
I want you to write down the event you have in mind and include your first impression, the reason why you didn’t and how you felt after it.
So, this person you knocked back, what was really wrong with them?
Did they have bad breath? Did they have a slight squint? Did they walk funny? Did they wear supermarket brands? Did they work as a shelf stacker?
Isn’t it tiring even saying all these different excuses out loud!?
Whatever the reason behind it was, I want you to now accept that the person you knocked back had nothing wrong with them. Yes that’s right – nothing that you couldn’t live with anyway. They simply fell short of your high expectations and pathetic excuses.
I knew this girl who got talking to a guy on one of those online-dating fads, they hit it off right away and spoke for hours upon hours at a time. Weeks went by and finally, they decided they wanted to hook up somewhere central (and safe) – they had seen photo’s of one another and all looked well. Upon meeting, assumptions definitely made an ass out of them both – he was a small guy (probably around 5ft 3 next to her 5ft 6 with 4 inch heels!). Instantly, she knew it was a “no-go” – the date continued as normal as one would expect until the guy returned from a brief toilet break during which the girl had text her girlfriend asking for an “emergency call” cos’ the guy “was tiny!”… unknown to the girl, she sent it to her last contact which was not her intended receiver, rather, the guy himself.
Ok, so the girl was me… and let me tell you, I was mortified! No, I was more than mortified, I felt ashamed and instantly guilty. There are no words really, the vanity monster is in us all.
For those wanting to know what happened to the guy – he took it like a boss, that much so, he STILL tried to get me to go back to his (God loves a chancer and the guy must love a challenge). I gave him a kiss on the cheek and changed my number the next day.
My online dating experience was just that – experience. It taught me a life lesson and it highlighted to me that everyone has flaws:
Mr Right, may not be Mr. The Right Height!
But, it’s all about being honest with ourselves and having realistic ideas of what kind of men/women we are looking for. Vanity can hold us back and really good people can pass us by because of it.
We are all looking for someone we can grow old and undignified with so choosing easy-on-the-eyes, Krystal, isn’t going to stick around that long! Go figure.
Question time for those of you who have a husband/wife…
- If you take the reason you have noted in the task above and apply it to the person you are with as though this is your first date with them, would you knock him/her back?
- If you take the same reason again and apply it to the person you are with, being in love with them now, would you want a divorce?
Note down your answers and think about it for a minute.
In hindsight, perhaps it could be helpful to remember that being shallow in the first instance could deprive you from something worth fighting for.
There have been countless times a person has rejected someone only to regret it years later. It makes sense, unless there is an attribute that you seriously cannot look past, try to not be judgemental and dig deeper into who the person is, rather than what they look like and how much money they apparently have.
Obviously, we all need to be physically attracted to our potential partners but don’t mistake that with unrealistic expectations. There’s no such thing as the “whole package” – compromise is a must.
Take me for example, my husband is a skin head – normally I would have said I would have to date a man with hair… but with him, I fell in love pretty fast!